Shall Not Tear Asunder
by lms2457
Summary: A direct follow up story to Inchoate by ColieMacKenzie. Castle and Beckett are both miserable following their divorce. Can they heal their broken relationship?
1. Chapter 1

**Shall Not Tear Asunder**

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own it, and they're way more evil than me

**AN:** This story is essentially a multi-chapter follow up to the oneshot story _**Inchoate**_ by ColieMacKenzie. I highly recommend reading that first, because it sets up the narrative and it's wonderful.

_For CB, who always makes the words make sense. And for Nic, who offered unbelievable support and encouragement in allowing me to climb into her sandbox and build a whole new...well, castle. _

* * *

_But after everything that's happened I think you guys have learned something. Love survives. Survives any joy, any sorrow. All the rights, all the wrongs - even life and death. But then, you both know that already._ - John McNamara*

* * *

It's almost a week after their encounter, after she'd more or less tearfully declared herself in mourning for her marriage, and realized they were, the both of them, carefully hiding their misery from the world. Kate hasn't been able to stop thinking about it. Which is exactly why she's toeing off her shoes with a sigh of defeat, well before 9PM on a Friday night, when her phone rings.

She digs for it, nearly dropping the device at the sight of Castle's face on the screen. It's a picture of him she loves, one she tells herself she keeps on her phone so her girls are greeted by their father's smiling face whenever he calls. It's for the girls. Of course it is, that's her mantra in all things. The fact that her heart picks up at the sight is irrelevant. Completely. It is.

"Hey, Castle," she says when she finally picks up the call, waiting until the very last moment before banishing the sight of him from the screen.

His voice is hesitant, and slightly muffled by the sound of movement behind him, as if he's walking. "Kate, I - is this a good time?"

She sighs. It shouldn't be, but it is. "What do you need, Castle? Are the girls -"

"Spending the night with Mother," he says quickly. "Indulging their inner divas."

She laughs at the thought even as she sinks down on her sofa, pinning her feet beneath her and settling the phone at her ear. "They'll enjoy that," she says softly, the image it brings to her mind warming her, stabilizing her turbulent thoughts a bit. But she still doesn't know why he's calling. "Castle?"

For a moment, all she can hear is the sound of him moving, and breathing into his phone. "Kate," he says, haltingly. "Kate I need to see you."

Something feels wrong. She sits up now, feet on the floor. "Castle, are you okay? Are you sick, are you...are you in some kind of trouble? You sound, off." Then she thinks a moment and asks, "Have you been drinking?"

There is a sound she can't quite identify, and then his voice, out of breath. "Like, 3 cups of black coffee."

She relaxes a little, knowing that he's not in some sort of imminent danger. If it were anyone else, she reflects, that would be a crazy thought, but this is them, and well - there have been stranger things. Still. "You hate black coffee," she says.

"Had to be something," he says absently. "I needed - Kate, I need to see you."

"Okay," she says, trying to keep it light, easy. "When you bring the girls tomorrow, we can take some time and -"

" - Kate."

She sighs out a long breath she hadn't even known she was holding. "Rick, you're already here, aren't you?"

"I, please. Kate, please. I just need..." He trails off, and she's pulling herself to her feet, walking to her front door. As she's suspected, she finds her ex-husband standing in the doorway the moment that she pulls it open. His phone is propped at his shoulder, a bottle of wine held in a causal grip in his opposite hand.

Her breath catches dangerously in her throat. Because there's something in his eyes that she knows. Knows so, so well. That look that wanders her whole face, takes in all of her, sees through her. And she's terrified. Because he can probably see everything there on her face. How this is all she's wanted all week. All year.

"I had to see you," he repeats, pocketing his phone without ever taking his eyes from hers.

"Castle, this isn't a good idea," she tries. Because she has to try. But it's a weak effort, mostly meaningless, and they both know it. They both know she can't bring herself to mean it.

"Just let me in, Kate," he says, pleading now. "I'm just asking you to let me in."

She takes a pause, a breath. Then she swings the door open wider and steps back to grant him access to her apartment. It's not what he meant, not really. But for her, the meaning of it all is intertwined. With a long look into those blue eyes she could never bring herself not to love, she stops blocking the way and lets him in.

* * *

*The above quote was written in a script for the television show _Lois & Clark_, specifically the season 4 wedding episode, _Swear to God, This Time We're Not Kidding - _credited to writer John McNamara


	2. Chapter 2

**Shall Not Tear Asunder**

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own it, and they're way more evil than me

**AN:** This story is essentially a multi-chapter follow up to the oneshot story _**Inchoate**_ by ColieMacKenzie. I highly recommend reading that first, because it sets up the narrative and it's wonderful.

_For CB, who always makes the words make sense. And for Nic, who offered unbelievable support and encouragement in allowing me to climb into her sandbox and build a whole new...well, castle._

* * *

His head is buzzing, filled with words and thoughts of her. So, it isn't until he turns to her as he hears the soft click of the door behind him that he really takes in how she is dressed.

He opens his mouth and then closes it, stunned both by the beauty of her in the long casual purple dress she wears, and the implication of it. "You're on your way out," he says finally. "I'm sorry, I'm such an idiot. I'll just..." He stammers and fumbles, trying to turn for the door without looking any more like a fool.

"No," her voice reaches his ears at the same moment as her fingers curl at his shoulder to arrest his movement. He stalls at her touch. "I was coming in, not going out," she says as he turns back.

For so long his thoughts of Kate have been of hushed fights, tense silences and then, cold, empty loneliness. But tonight, for all that, he sees the good they were too. His best friend, his partner, the joyful, relieved bride of their wedding day. He sees the Kate who worked so hard to bring their beautiful children into being, and who was the most alluring woman ever to share his bed.

"It's early," he says dumbly. How could anyone call it an early night with her, standing there looking like every good, beautiful memory he's ever had? His mind refuses to make sense of it.

She looks away from him, and he feels it like a loss of contact. "Apparently, he didn't feel I was invested in the future of a relationship." Kate says, as if she were quoting.

Ouch. He feels indignant on her behalf. And yet, oh so relieved. "I'm sorry," he offers, gesturing awkwardly with the hand holding the bottle of wine still clutched in his fingers.

She laughs dryly, pinning him with a look. "No, you're not."

"I'm sorry it makes you unhappy," he says, sincerely hating anything that stands between Kate Beckett and happiness. They are where they are now because he didn't want to be that to her, and he'd felt that was what their lives were fast becoming. But, now? Now all he knows is, it's not working.

She shrugs lightly. "It was what it was," she offers. And then she adds, "It wouldn't have been enough."

There is a significant silence as a look passes between them. She breaks the moment as she reaches for the wine, walks off in search of glasses. Then she stops and turns back to him.

"Shouldn't you be out tonight yourself?" She asks, eyeing him.

He studies his suddenly empty hands. "She left. Two weeks ago."

She sets the newly acquired glasses down so suddenly they clatter. "What?" She stares at him with a startled expression. "But last weekend, when I asked you -"

He stuffs his hands in his coat pockets, embarrassed. But even that feels lighter than he imagined it would. She's always had that effect on him, even at the worst of times. He'd resented it not long ago - that hold she had over him. But tonight it feels almost essential. "I didn't want to seem pathetic. Not once I knew you were seeing someone."

She hums a sympathetic noise, pours the wine, and hands him his glass. "Well, then, aren't we a pair?" She says with a wry twist of her lips. "Worth drinking to, even," she offers, raising her glass. He mirrors her, and then they step into the living room.

"You want to talk about it?" She asks, soft sympathy in her voice. He can feel her awkwardness too, but he ignores it. The notion that both he and Kate are free is only now really settling over him, making the world seem brighter.

"She said," he sighs out, less bothered by this than he has been in weeks, "she liked me too much to be my second choice."

Kate shifts slightly, and he can see the awareness of meaning in her eyes. "Did she?"

"Mhm. And then," he shifts closer, brushing a touch along her cheek, gratified when she leans in, just a little. "She told me to get my head out of my ass and go see my wife," he admits.

She startles and laughs. "Oh," she says softly, "I knew I kinda liked that one."

He murmurs assent, even as he leans in closer, taking his cue when she doesn't pull away. "She was a smart lady, yeah, but she was never what I really needed, and we both knew that."

Her hand comes up between them now, but he can feel her reluctance, even as she creates the modicum of distance between them. "Castle, we can't just -"

"Why not, Kate?" he asks, desperation and emotion lacing his voice now. "We're two single, grown adults. And this whole thing just feels wrong. I've been through a divorce before. You know what it felt like? A damned stay of execution. It wasn't fun, but it was such a relief, a reprieve. All being away from you has ever been is misery. An endless bad dream."

He feels a shift as she seemed to deflate against him, her forehead falling against his. He breathes her in, the scent of her shampoo and her perfume and her skin, and it gives him courage, strength.

"I thought it was better this way, better for you. But it's miserable. We're both miserable, and we don't have to be. Not anymore. Please, Kate. Please. If I'm wrong, then I'll accept it. I'll go. But I don't think I am."

For a long moment, the only answer is her unsteady breathing. And then her lips are on his, and he feels nothing else. Just her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Shall Not Tear Asunder**

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own it, and they're way more evil than me

**AN:** This story is essentially a multi-chapter follow up to the oneshot story _**Inchoate**_ by ColieMacKenzie. I highly recommend reading that first, because it sets up the narrative and it's wonderful.

**AN2: **For guest who thought I was a fast writer, I actually wrote the whole story before posting, so hopefully there will be a chapter a day until it's done. And we still have a bit to go yet. ;)

_For CB, who always makes the words make sense. And for Nic, who offered unbelievable support and encouragement in allowing me to climb into her sandbox and build a whole new...well, castle._

* * *

She's soaring, and it's incredible. More than she could imagine possible just a week before. Suddenly the bleak stretch of the future seems to have light and life again.

But it's so much so fast, and that's almost terrifying unto itself. Because she wants it so badly, the thought of losing this again threatens to take her under.

She pulls back. "Castle, we need to be smart about this. We were plenty good at making each other miserable not long ago. And we can't put the kids," or ourselves, she adds silently, "through all this again."

He gives her a long, careful look. "Kate if there is one thing I've always been sure of, it's been us. I made stupid choices I'm not proud of. We both did. Things were handled badly. I was hurt, and I get stupid when that happens. I always have. But I'll do better. We both will."

She wants to believe him, so badly it hurts. She misses him, and them, and their family. And it all seems so close suddenly. She wants it more than she thinks she's wanted anything else in a very long time. But it scares the hell out of her.

She's afraid. And as he had put it himself, she knows that's the thing that makes her stupid. She remembers a long ago fight had where he had accused her of being afraid to be happy. She had not wanted to admit it then, but it was true. In the end, she thinks that's why she agreed to the divorce. Fear. It had gotten hard, and it had gotten ugly. And she knew it would be difficult. Hurtful, the process of coming through it. And it seemed so much easier to just end it. So much easier on all of them. But all it had been was worse. He was right about that.

Kate wants to do this better. She wants to get it right this time. But still, she hesitates. "It's just," she tries to explain "so fast. I want this. More than anything. But I don't want to screw it up this time. And I don't want the girls to have to live with parents who end up turning on each other again, Rick. They're getting older. It wouldn't be so easy to hide this time."

He sighs then, and brings her back in closer. She lets him. He reaches out and tips her face up so that she has to look him in the eyes. It makes her insides go haywire. God, it's been such a long time since she felt like this. And it feels so good.

"Kate, I'm not saying we just hit the reset button and fall back into our lives tomorrow. I'm not saying we should just fall back into bed, either. Though I'd be lying if I said both weren't tempting ideas. It's going to take work, and time, and probably a good deal of therapy. But it takes action, is what I'm saying. There's no magic fix, no length of time that would just suddenly make everything okay. We can't wait it out. If we want a future, a life, then we have to make it happen. It's not going just to come to us."

She can't help it. She all but sobs with relief. "You'd do that? Therapy I mean?" She had suggested something like that once, before the divorce, and it hadn't gone over well at all.

He pulls her into his arms now, holding her. It feels so good that tears come without her consent. "Don't cry, please," he begs, his voice soft at her ear. "I can't stand it when you cry. It's all I've been able to think about all week." She sniffles, tries to stop, as he continues. "I'll do whatever you want, Kate. Whatever it takes. Therapy...hell, I'd see a Shaman if I thought it was what we needed."

That does it, that makes her laugh. "Don't be ridiculous," she huffs at him. Then she thinks for a moment. "No, do. I've missed you." She clings to him. He feels so good.

When she can stand it, she puts a few more inches of space between them again. "But, we'll be careful? The girls..."

"Will learn that their parents are imperfect human beings; people who fall down and fail sometimes. Who struggle and break like anyone else. But that's okay. Because sometimes with work, and time, things that can be broken can also heal. It's a hell of a better lesson, I think, than letting them think we just quit when things got hard."

That arrow hits the mark, and she knows he didn't even intend it that way. But it rankles, the idea that that's what they've done. That they quit. She used to swear she'd never be that person. But...maybe it's not too late to change that.

"When did you get so damned logical?" she jokes.

"I had an excellent teacher," he teases back, kissing her lightly. She dives into that kiss, deepening it, letting the promise of it buoy her.

"Okay," she says when they come up for air. "Let's work on it," she agrees softly.

He whispers a litany of thanksgiving in her ear for that, over and over, mixed with her name like a blessing. When he comes back to earth, she asks him to stay and have dinner with her. She changes clothes and they order pizza, then sit there on her sofa talking until dawn, like old friends who have been kept apart too long.

It's the best night she can remember in years.


	4. Chapter 4

**Shall Not Tear Asunder**

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own it, and they're way more evil than me

**AN:** This story is essentially a multi-chapter follow up to the oneshot story _**Inchoate**_ by ColieMacKenzie. I highly recommend reading that first, because it sets up the narrative and it's wonderful.

_For CB, who always makes the words make sense. And for Nic, who offered unbelievable support and encouragement in allowing me to climb into her sandbox and build a whole new...well, castle._

* * *

After they have made their beginning, things begin to improve steadily, if not always easily. Days which had been, ever since the divorce, reserved for weekend custody transfers suddenly become family days again - outings in the park, or movie days at the loft or at Kate's apartment. They talk often, have nights out when Martha can take the girls. And they go into therapy.

Kate explains to him early on that she had stopped seeing Burke shortly after they got married. Castle hadn't found it all that surprising: things with Bracken were settled and the issues that had delayed their wedding had slowly been worked through. And of course, at the time, Kate had been working a lot. A rapid series of promotions in the wake of the publicity surrounding the Bracken arrest - and they had started a family.

Kate admits to him one night - as they're trying to decide on a therapist to begin seeing - that perhaps that should have been exactly when she, or even both of them, might have benefited from seeing someone. He reminds her, it wasn't his favorite idea when she initially suggested it. His walls and tendencies for privacy might have looked different than hers, but they had always had their own impact. A negative one, he sees now.

Dr. Carter ends up being an excellent choice, Castle thinks. She's about twelve years older than Kate, a few years older than himself. She has dark hair and dark eyes, and a tendency to be more perceptive than most people he's ever met. She's also not shy about calling either one of them to the carpet when she thinks they're holding back. For the first couple of weeks, Castle sort of hates that. But, as they move through the process into the second month, he comes to respect it.

They see Dr. Carter twice a week - once each individually, and then once together. It's difficult, and wrenching, but Castle can see where it helps. He finds a new respect for Kate, for putting herself through this more than once. And he finds himself wishing he had listened when she suggested it well over a year ago. Maybe then, they never would have found themselves divorced at all.

But that's mostly water under the bridge, and they're focused on working through what got them where they are so that they can move forward, not fall into the same traps again. He's come to expect these sessions to surprise him, especially the ones he shares with Kate. But, when she finally breaks open on their sixth couple's appointment it stuns him, and he's pretty sure it stuns even Kate herself.

They have been discussing the problems that have come with her increasingly long hours spent at work as she moved up the ladder and the girls grew older. A step Dr. Carter called identifying the roots of the problems. They were supposed to begin each sentence with the phrase "the problem here is..." And identify the difficulty as they saw it, to give each of them an idea of what the other was thinking that they might not otherwise communicate.

And then, Kate stands up abruptly from her seat in one of the doctor's large overstuffed armchairs, and moves to the window. "The problem here is," Kate bites out each word, and Castle recognizes the bitter angriness in her tone, braces himself for something he thinks is about to be aimed his way.

"...I hate my job." Kate says without turning from the window.

Then there's a long moment of what Castle can only describe as shocked silence. He thinks he might have gasped out loud, and when he cuts his eyes to Dr. Carter, even the normally impassive therapist seems somewhat surprised. Apparently, this information is new even to her, not something that had come out in Kate's individual session the day before.

Dr. Carter is giving Kate space to continue, in that way that she does, Castle thinks. But when nothing is said for a long moment, he can't bring himself not to break the silence. "Kate," he gets out, knowing his shock is evident in the single syllable.

She turns to him from the window, and there are tears in her eyes.

"It isn't what I thought it was going to be. It isn't the way it was supposed to be."

Dr. Carter takes that moment to break in with a question. Well, Castle thinks it's supposed to be a question, but it's phrased as a statement. "You missed working with your team."

Kate sighs and gives a short shake of her head. That's not it. "Well, actually yes. But, I expected that. I planned for that. I had been in my position for so long, longer than most, and certainly longer than people who rose to it as quickly as I did. Because I loved the work. Except at the time, I thought it was less about the work and more about my mother's murder."

Castle watches her pace, knowing that particular state of Beckett agitation well. This part of her confession at least isn't a surprise, and he is curious as he watches her, trying to see where he gets from the woman he knows to the revelation she's just made. How to get from where they were to where to how it all fell apart.

"It was about apprehending the Senator," Dr. Carter states, one of her statement-style questions.

Kate sighs in frustration, stops pacing, and looks at the doctor, in profile from where Castle sits watching quietly.

"Yes. I thought that was it, I thought that was most of it. I mean I knew I liked my job, but everything was so wrapped up in that. Moving up after it was settled made sense. Moving on, I thought. I thought it did."

"But you weren't happy," the doctor prompts.

"It's been a long series of paperwork and meetings and personnel, and I know it's important, but it doesn't feel like I'm doing anything. It doesn't feel like I am affecting anything. It isn't me anymore."

"Kate why didn't you say something?" Castle asks. The same moment, the doctor asks "Why didn't you quit?"

When the two questions collide, Dr. Carter looks perfectly willing to defer to Castle, but Kate lets out a growl of frustration, and aims her response at the doctor. Castle isn't surprised. Really, that's the easy answer. He knows her; she doesn't like to quit because it feels like failure.

"I've been entrusted with a job to do," Kate says tiredly "it was and is my duty to see it through."

"Only it wasn't working for you," the doctor surmised. "And so, how did you handle that?"

"I -" Kate stumbles, "I tried harder. I put more and more into the job. I thought if I worked hard enough it would get better. I'd get a handle on it, and then everything would calm down. I thought if I worked hard enough, if I gave more of myself I could make it all right again."

God yes, that's the woman Rick Castle knows, the one who never backs down from a challenge. Who sees an obstacle and hits it again and again. It was one of the first things he loved her for, but has always been one of their greatest obstacles. And he knew that, he did. He finds himself wondering how he'd never known she was miserable.

But deep down, he knows. He knows his own fears and concerns were drowning her out. He pushes that down, because it's not his turn to bleed today. But he should. He should say it, he knows that. Only for now, he doesn't.

"You don't have an obligation to be miserable," Dr. Carter remind her patiently, kindly. But then, she delivers the other half of the statement "but you did, and do have an obligation to your family, as well."

When she finally stops pacing, drops herself back into the armchair, it's Castle that she looks to, not the doctor.

"I know. I know that. And, God I'm so sorry. I just kept thinking it would get better. But it only got worse."

Castle picks up the cue that it's okay for him to come in now, to be the one who speaks to his wife. Divorce and all, in his mind she still is, and always has been, his wife.

"Kate, if you had told me we could've worked out something. Why didn't you just tell me?" He asks, hurt edging his tone. She's near tears as it is, and he doesn't want to make it worse. But he's learned, the whole point of therapy is to try not to hold these things back. And he already feels guilty holding back as much as he is.

"I..." she pauses, swallows, then look him squarely in the eye, tears and all. "I just, didn't want you to think less of me, Castle. You've held me up for so long as this example of my work. You'd turned me into a heroine. One who never failed. And I just couldn't face you with the idea that I wasn't good enough."

Nikki? This was - she was worried she couldn't live up to Nikki? Or, at least to the image of her that he had held. The one Nikki represented. God.

"Kate," he says, his voice thick with it. "I never wanted - I never expected you to be perfect, I only ever expected you to be there."

"I know." She gets the words out, but he's not sure how. They sound as if they come from deep enough inside of her to have been buried by more weight than he can imagine. "I know that, now." She reaches for his hand, and the physical connection steadies him.

His own fears and insecurities are beating against his brain, wanting out in the wake of her confession, because he wants her to know that she's not alone, not the only one who struggled with measuring up to expectations.

But then, their time is up, and Dr. Carter ends the session.


	5. Chapter 5

**Shall Not Tear Asunder**

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own it, and they're way more evil than me

**AN:** This story is essentially a multi-chapter follow up to the oneshot story _**Inchoate**_ by ColieMacKenzie. I highly recommend reading that first, because it sets up the narrative and it's wonderful.

_For CB, who always makes the words make sense. And for Nic, who offered unbelievable support and encouragement in allowing me to climb into her sandbox and build a whole new...well, castle._

* * *

They walk after the therapy session, Kate standing a little bit closer today than before. She's not in a hurry to leave him today. It's been like that, as they've been working through this reconciliation. Both of them looking for excuses to be in one another's space. She hasn't moved home yet, even though she has never been able to stop thinking of the loft as home, and her apartment is simply the apartment. Her children are there, and he's there, and more and more it's where she wants to be.

But she's the one telling them both not to rush it, not to go too far too fast. Because this time, there's so much at stake that they need to get it right.

Castle is distracted today, she notices. Things are always a little strained on the inside after a therapy session. She's used to that, but she knows that he isn't. Honestly, she is surprised he's taken to this so well. Initially, she thought he was just doing that for her, but she can tell that he's come to see how much it helps. Her normal inclination would be to leave it be, give him space. But space has not been their friend.

So, she leans into him instead. "You okay?" she asks quietly.

He shrugs, but sends a soft smile in her direction. "I'm alright, I guess - I just got the momentum," he trails off and looks away, and suddenly, Kate thinks she might know what he's feeling.

"You had something you wanted to say, and she cut you off, didn't she?" It had happened to her with Burke a couple of times, not something she believes that either therapist would intentionally do, but sometimes it felt as if she was just gaining ground, gathering steam, when the session would abruptly end.

He turns and looks at her in clearly evident surprise. She smiles back, shrugs loosely, as he had. "I've been there before," she concedes. She pauses a beat, then decides to go for it "what was it?" she asks. It's a gamble, the breaking of an unspoken rule that they don't usually delve into therapy between sessions yet, don't normally navigate this ground on their own. But they have to start somewhere. Start digging in to the deeper stuff. If this is ever going to work, they have no choice.

"I don't really want to," he mumbles, staring at the sidewalk.

She slipped her hand into his in understanding. "I get it. But, do you really think not talking is the best thing to do? That's how he ended up here, isn't it?"

"Apparently," he says, turning his body into hers. "Kate," he says, his voice a soft, broken sounding thing as he reaches up to cup her cheek. "Why didn't you just tell me? If you were so unhappy we could have done something. I didn't know. I thought you were unhappy with me."

She narrows her eyes at him, just a little, because really, he's changing the subject. Just a little over year ago, there would have been a fight in this. But, when she looks in his eyes, there is only warmth, gentle concern, and fear. Not reproach. That soothes her concern, even as that edge of fear she sees makes her heart twist, makes it softer for him.

She wonders how long he's been like this, how long she had gone without seeing it, because she wasn't really looking. All right then, she can go first. Decided, she reaches down to curl the fingers of her left hand around his right, and leads.

They make few turns along their way, having ambled several blocks from the doctor's office by the time they're done. Finally, they reach one of the small tables in Greenacre Park. It's calming, she thinks, which was her plan.

He's smiling when he looks back at her, but puts a hand up for her to wait. He steps over to a nearby stand, comes back to her with a couple of drinks and a slice of pie with two forks. It makes her stupidly happy that he wants to share.

"Fortification," he says, a confident sounding exclamation, as if he really is shoring up troops.

She loves him. The thought comes suddenly. She does. So much.

They settle into their seats, and she gathers herself to speak. But, he surprises her.

"I never meant for you to feel like you have to live up to anything Kate. Nothing but yourself. You never had anything to prove to me."

The tone of remorse absolutely guts her. Because he doesn't get it. He doesn't see it. He thinks she's blaming him, she realizes suddenly.

"No, Castle - Rick, I know. I know that. It isn't like that." She takes a deep breath, "It's beautiful, the way you write her, you know. Strong and sure, and fierce, and so good. And I know I used to give you a hard time about her, Castle, about Nikki." She smiles thinly at the ghost of her stubborn younger self. They aren't all that different, really.

"But she scared me. Because I didn't know how to be that woman. No matter how much I wanted to be. And I did want to be, Castle. Because I love the way I look through your eyes. And you made me feel beautiful and perfect - I wanted to have earned that, to deserve it. For you, for our family, for us. To be that extraordinary woman you saw in me. And I hated myself for failing, so I just -"

"Refused to surrender," he said softly. "Oh, Kate."

He reaches out and takes her hand, and it sparks through her blood again, how she loves him. She's spent months talking herself out of that, unsuccessfully. And now it nearly runs her over.

"I missed you," he says, and to her shame, she doesn't know he's talking about since their divorce, or during their marriage. She suspects both.

"I felt like such a terrible parent," she admits. "A terrible wife, and then failing at work too. I just wanted to get something right."

"You are not," he says insistently, tugging at her until she looked up "a bad parent. The girls adore you, don't you know that?"

She thinks to say that it might be because they are still young, she's still "mommy" after all. But, he doesn't give her the opportunity.

"You know I never have to put them on the phone with you, they're always the ones who want to call? They ask about you, for you, every day. And, Lizzie has been after me constantly. She wants to bake cookies with you, I think, doesn't want to wait for Saturday. Though she's quite insistent that they be chocolate chip."

Kate grins at that. Her littlest girl is so much like her father, possessed with a healthy dose of his spirit of fun. And childhood. She hopes her daughter never loses that.

"Hmm... Well, maybe oatmeal chocolate chip," she concedes.

"Oh," he says, his eyes widening comically, "mutant morphed cookies, she'll love that!"

She laughs, but shoots him a look of mock indignation. "They are not mutant cookies! Plenty of people make chocolate chip cookies with oatmeal, and vice versa. It's an actual thing."

"Sure Beckett," he says, in a feigned conciliatory tone. There's an amicable pause, and then he says, "you know," giving her a slow, careful appraisal, "you could come over tonight and do cookies, it would be fun."

Her eyes go to his quickly, vaguely startled. They have been trying to conduct their family lives on something less of a schedule lately, it's true. Do more family time than just her weekends with the kids. But this is unexpected. Still, this is only further evidence of how difficult it's been to part company lately. "Are you sure?" she asks.

He shrugs, "I have to relieve Alexis of her babysitting duties pretty soon anyway, why not?"

She nods after a moment. But then a thought occurs to her. "Castle, you still haven't told me what you were going to say earlier."

He hesitates. "I - I will Kate, I promise. Just, give me some time to put the words together, please?"

She doesn't think it's a good idea, putting it off. As she had said earlier, not talking hadn't done them any favors. But she also understands that feeling of the need for time and space. She can grant him this, for a while. "All right," she concedes.

He smiles then, in thanks. "Come on, let's be exceptional parents and ply our children with sugar."

She knows Castle means it in humor, but, when she looks at him she can see the faint trace of pain still in his eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

**Shall Not Tear Asunder**

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own it, and they're way more evil than me

**AN:** This story is essentially a multi-chapter follow up to the oneshot story _**Inchoate**_ by ColieMacKenzie. I highly recommend reading that first, because it sets up the narrative and it's wonderful.

_For CB, who always makes the words make sense. And for Nic, who offered unbelievable support and encouragement in allowing me to climb into her sandbox and build a whole new...well, castle._

* * *

His youngest girls are practically beside themselves at the unexpected sight of their mother, unplanned and midweek as her arrival is, and in the end they wind up making several different kinds of cookies - far outside the realm of what's necessary. But he can't begrudge them their delight at the unexpected family time, and he knows that Kate can't either.

His home is quickly filled with the peals of his daughters' laughter. Their mother's too, and their happiness does good work on his frayed emotions from their earlier session, and the unfinished conversation.

Still, he couldn't help sliding nervous eyes toward Alexis. The relationship between his oldest daughter and Kate has never been completely easy. But then, he knows that is because the course that he and Beckett had taken in their relationship had never been smooth, even before the divorce, and he only imagines what that must've looked like to Alexis's outsider's eye.

They had developed a comfortable rapport over the years, especially because Kate was the mother of Alexis's siblings. Castle knows they spend time together away from him, even since the divorce. But, he finds himself still wondering about his eldest's feelings on this rapidly escalating reconciliation he and Kate are working on.

In the end, Alexis makes it easy on him, and finds a moment to step away with him into his office before she leaves for the night. She's become so grown, he realizes, quickly approaching the end of her twenties. The thought leaves him suddenly when she speaks.

"So, you and Kate seem to be getting along better," she ventures. "She's here a lot lately."

"Yes," he admits, somewhat uneasily.

Alexis nods thoughtfully. "Good," she says finally.

Castle looks at her sharply, "Really?"

His daughter laughs, "Yeah, Dad. Really."

He doesn't respond to that, but he drops down heavily in the chair at his desk, relieved. Alexis comes and perches herself on the corner. "Listen Dad, I know Kate hasn't always made your life easy, and I know I wasn't always thrilled about that, especially in the beginning," she begins.

"You and I have always been closer than close, and I never liked the idea of anyone hurting you. Not even a little. But -" she pins him with a look, "I also know that you aren't easy to live with either. And I understand more than I did back then. Life is hard, and love is worse than hard, sometimes. But, you and Kate love each other. She's family. That's not nothing."

Rick could almost cry. He loves Kate, a fact that has been making itself more apparent to him by the day. But, he hadn't realized how much he wanted, maybe needed, his daughter's blessing in this. They are a family, and he doesn't want it to be awkward between any of them, for anyone's sake. But most especially for his youngest daughters. They love their sister and their mother both fiercely, a dogged kind of devotion that reminds him of Beckett.

"Thank you, Pumpkin," he says softly. "You have no idea how much I needed to hear that."

Alexis reaches out and pats his hand. "You may not always be good for each other, but that just means you're human. And, I think you might really need each other. I'm glad you guys are working it out."

There is a light knock at the door, and he looks up to see Kate waiting in the doorway. Her eyes shift away slightly, and he wonders how much of the conversation she's heard. "Hey guys? Sorry, but the cookie monsters are looking for you," she says. "Mostly Alexis," she offers teasingly.

He chuckles. "Coming," he says.

The three of them get maybe five feet out of his office before they are greeted by Josie's voice. "Alexis has a boyfriend," his middle child singsongs.

"He is not my boyfriend," Alexis says immediately, as she and Kate step around him to join her sisters in the kitchen. "He's an annoying obnoxious pain in the - neck."

"If he's bad why to you talk about him all the time?" Lizzie pipes up, her little voice curious.

Castle hears Kate's laughter before he sees her, hand clapped over her mouth, and mirth slipping past her fingers. "Oh, Alexis," she says, but her eyes are on his. "You're in trouble."

Alexis looks from Kate to him and back again, then covers her face with her hands, blushing. "Oh, I am. I'm doomed, aren't I?" she moans.

"Why is Alexis in trouble Mommy?" Josie asks.

"Was she bad?" Lizzie stage whispers.

"No, baby, not that kind of trouble," she says kissing each little girl in turn before she starts laughing again. This time Alexis joins in.

Castle doesn't think either of the younger girls know what's going on, but they laugh because the others are. "Hey now," he says, trying and failing to sound put out.

All of his girls are laughing at him, but he's spilling over with joy.


	7. Chapter 7

**Shall Not Tear Asunder**

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own it, and they're way more evil than me

**AN:** This story is essentially a multi-chapter follow up to the oneshot story _**Inchoate**_ by ColieMacKenzie. I highly recommend reading that first, because it sets up the narrative and it's wonderful.

_For CB, who always makes the words make sense. And for Nic, who offered unbelievable support and encouragement in allowing me to climb into her sandbox and build a whole new...well, castle._

* * *

They both put their daughters to bed, and she can't remember the last time that it was like this, so much a family event. Castle reads the girls a story while she listens with them, and then they plead another from her despite the fact that she lacks his animated delivery.

She thinks for only a moment before she retreats to Castle's office and finds the volume on the many shelves, one that she thinks must have belonged to Alexis, though she wouldn't have placed it past Castle to love the classic story just as she had in her own childhood.

She goes back to her family, shares the beginning of the story of the little orphan named Anne - with an E if you please - who found a family of her own despite not being a boy. The print on the pages was small, the volume only sparsely illustrated. Kate knew that the chapters would be intimidating even for the already bookish Josie. But both girls listened with rapt attention to the steady rise and fall of her voice, curled against her side.

"What happened next Mommy?" Josie asks, her voice breathless.

"We'll find out another night," Kate assured her. She wanted them to understand that she'd be back, not a whole week away, but soon. The story wasn't over yet.

"But we don't know how it ends yet," Lizzie protested, truly scandalized. Kate suddenly recalls protesting to Castle years before about telling a story for which he didn't know the ending, much the same indignation in her own voice. She smiles.

"Not yet, baby," she says, running her fingers through her littlest one's hair with affection. "But sometimes very good stories take time. We'll just have to keep working at it."

Her eyes find Castle's, find warm understanding there.

Lizzie's face clouds with doubt for a moment, then clears with a sigh. "Okay Mommy. I love you."

There is a chorus of good nights, and then they click off the light of the girls' room, and Kate follows him downstairs.

He doesn't ask before he pours her a glass of wine, gesturing her to join him on the sofa. She doesn't protest, just goes with it.

"You do good work," he says, looking in the direction of their daughters' room. She remembers he'd said much the same the day Josie was born.

Her answer hasn't changed. "We both do." It's a simple truth. They've always worked their best together, and she knows this still, in spite of it all. She hopes that he does too.

He takes a sip of his wine before he speaks, and when he does she almost drops her own. "I used to be terrified you'd think I didn't love them enough."

Something sickening comes over her. "What?" She struggles for words. "Rick," she insists when he won't look at her, "That's insane." She's had enough therapy in her lifetime to know better than to be dismissive of his feelings, but the words feel so true, they come without conscious thought from her.

He looks up at her, such grief and pain in his eyes that any words she might have said leave her.

"When Alexis was little, she was everything. I had her with me all the time, and I loved every second of it, never considered anything else. With Josie & Lizzie, I -" he swallows visibly, "I used to think about when they would both start school, so things could be like they were."

For a moment she doesn't understand. And then she does, and it hits her like a wave. Oh Castle.

"But I changed jobs," she says softly.

It stuns her now that she hadn't thought of it before, especially after all that had gone on the year before they were married, when she tried to make another job work in DC. Shit. Somehow, in the haze of newness about it all, she had once again forgotten that her job was a part of his. Partners. And she had just... ended it. And for what, in the end? she thinks bitterly. "I'm sorry."

"No," he says. "It wasn't your job to keep me there forever. It wasn't your job hold your life still to keep me happy. I knew that, Kate. And really I wanted this for you. But I didn't know that it made you so unhappy. And as much as I wanted you to have whatever you needed, in theory, to have the freedom to chase whatever dreams you wanted, I missed it."

She nods, still a little miserable with it. This is what he's been holding in all day. No, so much longer than that. She closes her eyes under the weight of it.

"I missed you, but I missed the work, too. I missed helping you make the world better. But I hated myself for wanting it. Because I felt like I was failing the girls somehow, not wanting to make raising them everything, like it had been with Alexis."

Her eyes pop open at that. Without really thinking about it, she drops to her knees in front of him. "Castle, look at me," she says, soft but insistent. "In my darkest, most selfish moments I've never questioned your love for our children, or for me." And it was true. She had felt anger, frustration, insecurity, and inadequacy, but she's never, never doubted the love between them.

He looks down into her face, emotion swirling in his eyes and rimming them with tears. "I resented you, because it felt like you had everything, and I didn't even really have you anymore. And then I hated myself even more for that."

Kate sighed. "And I wasn't really talking to you, and you weren't talking to me," she says. It makes her sad just thinking about how needless it all seems now. "We've never really been good at that, have we?" Things had changed so fast in their lives, jobs, goals, kids. They had, she sees now, just embraced old habits.

He shakes his head, and he looks so lost that she wants to embrace him the way she does the children when they are sick. "How do we avoid doing it again?" he asks.

She sits back on her heels. "We work at it. I think, back then? It seemed to me as if being together, being on the same page would just...solve things. But it can't. We both know that now." It had been a painful lesson, but they're learning. Both of them.

"Good stories take time?" he asks, the corners of his mouth turning up.

"Yeah," she says. Then she leans up, sweeps a light kiss over his lips. Then, after a long beat of silence, she gets to her feet. "It's getting late. I should get going."

She stands and turns to go, but he catches her wrist, and she stops, looks back down where he sits.

"You could stay," his voice is quiet, strained. "Please. Please stay tonight."

Her heart hammers. She wants it, but the thought scares her, too. They've done a lot of moving forward today, and she worries about it being too much. But it doesn't feel like that when she looks at him. It feels like it might be just enough.

She sinks back down, claiming his mouth. She can taste the sweet brightness of sugar and the richness of chocolate on his tongue. She breaks away, leaning into him. "I could stay," she agrees.


	8. Chapter 8

**Shall Not Tear Asunder**

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own it, and they're way more evil than me

**AN:** This story is essentially a multi-chapter follow up to the oneshot story _**Inchoate**_ by ColieMacKenzie. I highly recommend reading that first, because it sets up the narrative and it's wonderful.

_For CB, who always makes the words make sense. And for Nic, who offered unbelievable support and encouragement in allowing me to climb into her sandbox and build a whole new...well, castle._

* * *

She stays often after that, as the days of late summer give way to fall. They continue with Dr. Carter, keep working at it all. In the end, she doesn't so much ask to come back home, as it just...happens. Astute little Josie asks her father one night, just as Kate comes in from work - she rarely stays late any longer, her heart is here, not there - why Mommy goes away at all.

"I don't know," Castle says, looking up at her as she enters, "maybe you should ask Mommy."

She wants to be irritated with him for putting her on the spot with their daughter, and he must see that play on her face, although he only smiles. She fumbles a bit, but in the end doesn't have an answer. Not a good one.

She sublets her apartment that weekend.

It's shortly after that when Kate gets an e-mail, and then a call from The Discovery Initiative. It's not the first time; she had put them off, uncertainly, six months before, but it is the first time they have called in person. And, it's the first time she's given what they're offering her serious consideration.

She finds Castle in his office that night, typing furiously, eyes intent on the screen. She takes a book from the shelf and settles herself on the sofa. She's several pages in before the typing stops and he looks up.

"Kate?" He gets so adorably confused when he's been writing like this, caught between the world on the page and reality. "How long you been home?" he asks.

She smiles, waving him off easily. "A little while, I was reading while you worked." She meant for it to relax him, but he still seems startled.

"I - shit - I completely forgot dinner," he says.

She shrugs. "We'll order something, no big deal."

He relaxes a little. "Where are the girls?"

She smiles. "Doing Lizzie's homework," she says, a little amused at the concept herself.

He blinks. "Lizzie has homework? But she's barely even started school."

"I know," she says laughing at that, too. "I think she's supposed to be writing her numbers, to see how far she can get. How much she knows. She said the teacher said no copying allowed."

"Wow," he says, as if he can't come up with a better word. "Shouldn't we sit with her or something?"

Kate smiles widely at that. "Oh, I tried. She said she only wanted Josie's help. So they're fine for a little while; we'll check it over and sign off on it later. There is a form, I think, in her book bag."

"Oh," he says, and he looks worried, like he thinks she might feel slighted by not being her little girl's preferred choice. In truth, she loves it. She's not a guest to her children any more, or their weekend play date, she's only Mommy. It means that her presence at home feels less like a treat, and has started to feel normal again.

"I wanted to talk to you," she says, turning the conversation to what had brought her hear in the first place. "Something came up at work today."

He closes his laptop, settles his eyes on hers. "Is everything okay? I know you haven't been keeping the same hours." He winces like it is the wrong thing to say.

"No, no. That's fine," she says, hurrying to be at least somewhat reassuring. "As fine as it ever is, I mean. It's still just work." The job still fells empty and unsatisfying. But then, she supposes that's why she's here. "I -" she takes a minute to think before she says the words out loud for the first time, "I got a job offer."

Castle stares. "You got...I didn't know you were looking. I mean, I knew you weren't happy with things at the NYPD, but you never told me you'd looked into anything else since the last time we talked about it."

He looks uneasy, and for a moment, Kate can't understand why. And then, it occurs to her. The specter of that job in DC, years ago now, of him finding a boarding pass to an undiscussed out of state interview, rises up between them.

"Oh," she puts her hand to her mouth and closes her eyes, shaking her head in dismay. "No, it isn't like that. I didn't even think about like that. I'm sorry. No, I wasn't looking, not really. They came to me. About six months ago actually, and we weren't - well, we just weren't. And I put them off, when they approached me; but there've only been a handful of solicitous emails since then was all, and then today the director just flat-out called and offered it to me."

He stands and joins her then, coming to sit beside her, and she can see the plainly evident relief on his face. "Okay. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply anything, you just caught me off guard."

She nods, reaches for his hand to steady herself again. "It's all right, Castle. Believe me, I took it that way as well. I told them I needed to discuss it with my family."

He smiles then, encouraging her. "What is it, the position?"

"Investigative Director for The Discovery Initiative. They're a non-profit that works long dormant cold case files. The title sounds like something far more executive than it is. It's actually less administration, more coordinated case work. But it's one of only a dozen or so paid positions, the operation is mostly volunteers, and they need an experienced investigator to lead the various teams, co-ordinate leads. It's -" she hesitates a moment, "well it's not exactly an upward move, and there's not a lot of money in it, honestly. But it would be more flexible, too. I could work from here fairly often."

Castle's reaction is immediate. "Kate, the money doesn't matter."

"Castle," she shakes her head in protest. She's never really had an issue with his money, not when they were married, and she knows they are working their way back there, but she doesn't like the idea of being primarily dependent, either.

"I'm serious. Listen to me, you remember that case we worked, the one with the lottery winner?" he asks.

It's been years, several of them. But, she does. She tries to remember all of them as best she can, especially from when they worked together. "The one who took his neighbor's winning ticket," she says in confirmation.

"Yes. I told you then, what having money meant to me was the ability to do the work I loved and be with my family. If this job opens that possibility for you to have that? Then, honest to God, the money is just irrelevant."

She bites her lip, cautious and uncertain. But she wants it, too.

"And Kate, if this," he gestures between them, "is going to work, you can't go on being miserable at your job. In time, it would just bleed over into our lives again."

Even the thought of losing the ground they have gained makes her heart ache. They're both in this, but he has a point. "It's good work, truly," she says. "A job that needs doing, that the NYPD just doesn't have the time or the resources for with fresh cases always coming in."

"If this is what you want Kate, then you should do it."

The thought is raising a level of joy in her she hadn't expected. There's only one thing that nags at her. "I wish people would stop referring to my 'creative approach' in these things though," she says remembering how that had come up in DC as well. "That was always more the two of us, not just me."

He shakes his head. "Don't sell yourself short, Kate."

"Don't you either," she insists narrowing her eyes at him in displeasure. Then they widen suddenly as a thought occurs to her, sets her blood to racing. "Do this with me," she says.

"I'm behind you, completely. You know that," he says.

She shakes her head, a frustrated noise coming from the back of her throat as she catches his other hand, so that she holds both in hers. She squeezes to get his attention. "That's not what I'm saying. Castle, most of the organization is volunteers, remember? Students and things like that. You could - no one would even question it." She pauses to catch her breath.

"Castle, I want to do this, but not without my partner."

The excitement that breaks out across his face as comprehension dawns on him is infectious. She knows then that they're going to do this. They'll do it together.


	9. Chapter 9

**Shall Not Tear Asunder**

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own it, and they're way more evil than me

**AN:** This story is essentially a multi-chapter follow up to the oneshot story _**Inchoate**_ by ColieMacKenzie. I highly recommend reading that first, because it sets up the narrative and it's wonderful.

**AN2:** Because a few people asked, the actual organization I've placed Beckett at is fictional, but it was based on a few real world ones that I smashed together. Very cool operations, all of them.

_For CB, who always makes the words make sense. And for Nic, who offered unbelievable support and encouragement in allowing me to climb into her sandbox and build a whole new...well, castle._

* * *

He spends that entire fall madly in love with where their lives are going. Madly in love with her. Even therapy doesn't feel as burdensome as he always thought it would. There are some hard things they still have to work through, but it's worth it. It's so worth it.

He's fairly certain the commissioner was less than pleased with Kate's decision to step away from the NYPD. She's been on her way up, a rising star. They were reluctant to do without their poster girl. In the end, Kate agrees to take a three-month sabbatical rather than out right resign immediately. But they're only a couple of weeks into their work with The Discovery Initiative before they both know that this is the right decision for her, for them, and for their family. It will stick.

It isn't that the work is easy. Castle had learned a long time ago, in the early days of working with her, that cold cases - cases like her mom's, and some even older - were the hardest to work. But they could be amazingly rewarding.

A few days a week, Kate would go into the nonprofit offices at a co-working space downtown, and Castle stayed home to write. But, then there were the days where Kate would be home, and they would spend the hours long after the girls had gone to bed pouring over documents in case files, making use of Castle's SmartBoard, and laying things out across the desk in his office, which had effectively become theirs. It was the one place they knew the girls wouldn't enter without knocking, and it helped to shield small eyes from seeing things that they shouldn't.

On this particular night, Kate has several case files spread out across the desk, and he, in a mirror of their former relationship at the NYPD, pulls a chair up next to her. Not intentionally, but the familiarity makes him smile.

They hadn't come up with anything new on this case in hours, and it was becoming somewhat frustrating. Castle decides the best thing he can do is change the subject, if only for a moment.

"You know," he says, thoughtfully, "if there is a silver lining in this little detour of our relationship, at least I get to go ring shopping for you again."

Kate glances up only for a moment, then turns her attention back to the paperwork. It's not exactly a shocking turn in the conversation, he knows. They've talked often about the concept of when - it's never really been a matter of if - to renew their marriage, to make everything formal and official again, many times now.

Beckett does surprise him, though. "Oh no, Castle please don't do that. I have a ring, two of them in fact."

He sits back in his chair and takes this for moment, "Really? You don't -"

She cuts him off suddenly. "Hey, that's strange. Castle look at this," she says sliding one of the files in his direction.

It takes his mind a moment to readjust to the matter at hand, but he looks down at the documents in front of him. "What am I looking for, did we miss something?"

"No that's just it, it's not that we missed something, it's that something is missing," Kate says, her voice taking on the quality it has when she's found a new lead, and her excitement level ramping up. "Look, see? We have statements from all of Stephanie's friends, all of the witnesses except for one. The first roommate, Abigail, she gave a complete statement. But almost everyone mentions the second roommate, Melissa. Nothing suggesting her involvement necessarily, yet, there's no statement."

He sifts through the file quickly. "Why wouldn't there be a statement from one of the victim's roommates?" The woman's name comes up several times from other witnesses, but only in reference to the living situation. No one seemed to know much more than that about the young woman. "What does the file from investigating officer say?" he asks. "Surely, there's something."

Kate leafs back through, finds the original report. "Woah, wait a minute. His notes call Melissa Stephanie's former roommate. Do any of the witness reports..."

He's already flipping pages, grateful for his speed reading skills. "No, not one person suggests Melissa had moved out of the apartment at the time of the murder. So why would the lead investigator imply that she had?"

He watches the wheels turn in Kate's mind. God he loves her like this. He loves them like this.

"He couldn't find her," Kate says slowly. "That's why there's no report. And since there wasn't anything directly incriminating in the other witnesses statements, they dismissed it."

"Especially since they already had this all tied up as a random break in," he adds, though he can feel Kate's revulsion at the concept radiating off of her even as he says it.

"But, if Melissa had moved out so recently that none of Stephanie's friends, or even the other roommate thought to mention it," Kate adds, her thinking apparently aligning with his own. "And the investigating team never found her, so she didn't leave any kind of forwarding address..."

"Then you have to ask yourself," Castle says, picking up the thread, "why would someone just seemingly disappear, right around the time their roommate is murdered?"

"We have to find Melissa," Kate concludes, her smile wide despite the grim situation. Castle gets it. It's a lead, and a reminder. They are so good like this. So good together.

It's only hours later, after Beckett has made the necessary notes in the case file and they have thoroughly celebrated their small victory, that Castle remembers their other conversation.

"Hey, Kate?" His voice is soft darkness. But there is no response. She's out, tucked in against his side. Castle doesn't wake her, but his mind has already started to form a plan by the time he drifts off to join her in sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**Shall Not Tear Asunder**

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own it, and they're way more evil than me

**AN:** This story is essentially a multi-chapter follow up to the oneshot story _**Inchoate**_ by ColieMacKenzie. I highly recommend reading that first, because it sets up the narrative and it's wonderful.

_For CB, who always makes the words make sense. And for Nic, who offered unbelievable support and encouragement in allowing me to climb into her sandbox and build a whole new...well, castle._

* * *

When she hears Castle's voice, it feels like she's swimming up from somewhere deep and heavy. She's definitely been sleeping hard lately, but with all the new job adjustments, and learning to balance family considerations with that, she's not really surprised.

"Kate, time to get up. The girls are coming in," he says, his voice close to her ear, as if he's been trying to rouse her as gently as he can, but having trouble.

She blinks her eyes open, tries to orient herself to the morning. The sun is already streaming in through the window of the bedroom, golden and warm. She has a quick flash of panic about why she didn't wake to an alarm, before it settles over. Saturday morning. In fact it's -

"Hey, Birthday girl," is all the warning that she gets before the door to the bedroom crashes open, and she hears the sound of rapidly moving bare feet on the flooring. "Happy Birthday, Mommy!" little Lizzie practically screeches with delight.

She shifts up to lean against the headboard of the bed, spots the younger of her two daughters just as she starts to hurl herself on top of the end of the bed and work her way up toward her. Josie, on the other hand, is carefully trying to maneuver through the doorway, after her little sister let the door swing closed on her in her haste.

It's only when Castle moves to help their daughter with the door that Kate realizes the girl is carrying a breakfast tray. Her heart trips. Thoughtful man. She knows he planned, probably for some time. He'd always made her birthday feel special, even when she had been insistent that he not make a fuss. Last year had felt strange. Empty. A workday, still a day away from her time with her children, and an empty apartment. Oh, she's so grateful for how much her life has changed.

She fights back the instinct of tears, and instead focuses on the smile that is just as easy to come by. "My girls made me breakfast?" she asks.

Castle leans down to steady Josie's tray, scoops the cup of coffee off from it before it can tip and become a casualty. He hands it to her with that look he always has when he brings her coffee, and she gives him another beaming smile, the special one she's kept just for this ritual, ever since he told her how much it meant to him.

"Lizzie did ALL the mixing, and I helped with some of the other stuff, like making the little fruit scoops," Josie says, "Daddy did all the cutting and the hot stuff."

"Daddy is very good at the hot stuff," Kate says, giving Castle a wink. Josie looks like she's trying to decide whether or not to be disgusted, as if she might know what that means, but isn't quite sure. Lizzie, however remains oblivious.

"We made a really good breakfast, Mommy," Lizzie says, clearly pleased with herself.

"I can see that," Kate acknowledges. "And big! Everyone come here and help me," she says, patting the bed for Josie to join in next to her sister, and then reaching out to snag Castle's wrist and pull him down beside her. They're a snug fit, the four of them. But she likes it that way. Their little family, close and warm.

After breakfast, their celebration of her birthday ends up being a movie marathon with everyone in their pajamas. She loves every moment of it, still feeling a bit worn out, and just savoring the closeness and quiet time with Castle & her girls.

By the time they all convinced themselves to get cleaned up, Castle starts on making her a birthday dinner. There's an ice cream cake for dessert, with trick candles of course - much to their daughters' delight. When the flames have been doused and the girls tucked in, she finds Castle waiting for her in the living room, nursing a drink.

"Hey," she stays with a smile, taking a seat next to him. "Thank you for a really wonderful day, Castle. It was perfect."

He smiles back, all the warmth in it that she's come to remember and love, but something serious hovering just around the edges of his face. "Can I get you something?" he asks, gesturing to his drink.

She shakes her head. "No, I'm good."

"Okay," he acknowledges. And then he clears his throat.

She raises an eyebrow as he suddenly reaches back and pulls out a package from behind his back, but with less flourish than she would have expected.

"One more present," he says. He places the object, longer and wider than her cellphone, in her hands. She examines the pearlized wrapping paper and silver ribbon, then slides her eyes to him.

"Castle, you gave me presents," she protests.

"One more," he repeats lightly. And then, less lightly, "Open it."

The diamond pendant on a slim silver chain is beautiful, elegant, and vaguely familiar. She stares for several long seconds before the realization strikes:

It matches her wedding set. "Rick," she breathes out.

But he's already taking the box from her hands, slipping the chain loose of it as he says, "I thought about what you said. You're right. We shouldn't replace your engagement ring, or our wedding rings. We aren't rewriting the story, just...moving on to a new chapter."

She smiles. It thrills her that he gets it, that he understands. There were so many good memories of their marriage, along with the bad. She doesn't want a do over, a clean slate. She just wants to go on. Forward.

"But," he says as he stands up and slips behind her, "even a new chapter needs a little something to mark its place."

"It's a very, very pretty bookmark," she tells him, her mouth going dry.

He slips the chain around her neck, closes the clasp. Leaning down, he presses his mouth to the spot at her neck between the chain and the top of her spine. "Marry me, Kate," he murmurs. It's half quiet question, half soft command.

She turns as his fingers dance lightly at her shoulders and his arms slip around her. She looks into his eyes, intent and so serious. Her simple affirmative is swallowed up in his kiss.

She spends the rest of the night saying it again. Over and over, pressed into his skin. Just so he will know.


	11. Chapter 11

**Shall Not Tear Asunder**

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own it, and they're way more evil than me

**AN:** This story is essentially a multi-chapter follow up to the oneshot story _**Inchoate**_ by ColieMacKenzie. I highly recommend reading that first, because it sets up the narrative and it's wonderful.

_For CB, who always makes the words make sense. And for Nic, who offered unbelievable support and encouragement in allowing me to climb into her sandbox and build a whole new...well, castle._

* * *

Castle carefully straightens his tie in the mirror before heading out into the living room. He glances around at the lights, the grandeur and the finery around him, as he awaits the arrival of the guests for his little holiday party.

If there is one thing Rick Castle can do - aside from write page turning best sellers - it is throw a damn good party. He's gone all out with the holiday decor, as always, and the caterers are his favorite. But the little entertainment for the evening? Ah, that had all been Kate's idea.

The party had all been planned, set for less than a handful of days before Christmas itself. And one night, a little over a week ago, she had just come out with the idea. He'd liked it immediately, and could concede her every point.

"We have the decorations, the food, all the right people. Let's just - do it," she'd said that night, eyes dancing at the very idea.

It was true. Even Judge Markaway was coming, one of the few people in on the plan. He and Robert Wheldon have always liked to joke about which of them "set the two kids up" on that first case, though between the two poker buddies, Castle has to give the former Mayor the edge in that. Still, the older man had been delighted at the prospect when he was asked. One last good job done before retirement, he'd said.

All it had taken after that was a few quick little details. So remarkably simple. He's walking on air tonight.

"The girls are all set," Kate's voice cuts into his thoughts. "Very excited to join the party, and looking to make a grand entrance."

"Too much time with Mother," he says with a little laugh. Then he turns, sees her coming down the stairs, and stops breathing.

There are those who might call it ridiculous that she can still have this effect on him. He has seen Kate Beckett in every state of dress and undress in the near third of her life that he has known her. She's given him two children. And yet, seeing her descend the stairs to him, her rich, deep emerald green evening gown shimmering in the glow of the holiday lights, he is as undone by her as ever he has been.

"Kate," he whispers, utterly at a loss.

"They're so excited that we three get to match," she continues, all amused laughter like she hasn't quite heard him. He thinks maybe she didn't.

He takes the steps two at a time until there are only two between them. "Wait," he says.

She pauses, and he can see the curiosity in her eyes as she tips her head to the side and looks down at him.

"I just want this moment," he admits. He wants to keep it frozen in time, forever.

He doesn't know how long they stand there before the spell is broken by the arrival of his mother and Alexis and he's surprised to find that they are also wearing dresses that complement Kate's.

"Josie called and told us we should all match," his eldest confides. Little snitch, he thinks with affection. She'll probably never change. He hears the thundering of both girls suddenly clambering down behind their mother, and offers Kate his hand to help her down the rest of the way. She takes it and smiles.

"We do make a merry little party," his mother says brightly "Almost -" she eyes him, then Kate. "Richard, Katherine, are we having a wedding?"

Alexis gasps, but smiles as they both nod their bashful assent, Josie and Lizzie practically vibrating beside them with having held in the secret for as long as they have. They're proud of themselves, he thinks.

There is a round of hugs, and then his mother comments "Marvelous, dears! Absolutely the way to do it, no fuss, no muss, just straight to the matter." She claps her hands together to punctuate her point.

"That was the general idea," Kate confirms. He is suddenly ridiculously proud of them for having pulled this off as a surprise.

"Johanna, Elizabeth, my little costars," his mother cries out, her usual dramatic flair not lessened over the years, "come, we must go into make up!" And with that she huddles her youngest granddaughters back up the stairs.

"I'll go make sure they don't make a mess," Alexis says. She's almost at the top of the stairs when she turns back. "I'm really happy for you guys," she adds, and then she goes.

Castle turns Kate again now that they have a final moment alone together. "You ready for this?"

She shrugs, "It's a formality really," she says, the look in her eyes betraying how true that is. They were already in this. "Still," he says.

"Still," she agrees, leaning her forehead against his.

Just short moments later, there's a knock at the door. They both grin like kids. "Showtime," he says.


	12. Chapter 12

**Shall Not Tear Asunder**

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own it, and they're way more evil than me

**AN:** This story is essentially a multi-chapter follow up to the oneshot story _**Inchoate**_ by ColieMacKenzie. I highly recommend reading that first, because it sets up the narrative and it's wonderful.

**AN2:** This was meant to be the end. But forces stronger than myself have prevailed, and there will be one more chapter, an epilogue, after this.

_For CB, who always makes the words make sense. And for Nic, who offered unbelievable support and encouragement in allowing me to climb into her sandbox and build a whole new...well, castle._

* * *

When all said and done, she's a little bit surprised at how quickly it all goes by. It was simple, easy. Perfect. Exactly what they needed.

She sighs happily in the now empty loft, looks about her for a handful of moments, just a little bit lost. Castle had gone to see the caterers out, she thinks, and now it's quiet. Martha had insisted on taking the girls for the night, unplanned, but under the circumstances they weren't about to disagree.

When it takes him a little bit longer to come back than she expects, Kate goes looking for Castle, only to find him standing in his office staring at his phone.

"Rick?" She asks her husband. Her husband. It hits her anew, and she feels for the tenth time that night as if the world has finally completely righted itself again.

He startles a little, and looks up. "Oh, hey. Sorry. I got distracted by the pictures."

She smiled affectionately at that, when they had discussed it, the one thing they hadn't really been able to plan out in advance was a photographer. But Castle had insisted that everyone had a camera, cellphones being the way they are. And so he found some app that allowed everyone to send their photographs of the party to his own phone. It was a clever idea, she thought, and fit the atmosphere of the night.

"Anything good?" She asks, attempting to peer over his shoulder.

"I can't get over this one. My girls," he says. He tips the phone a little bit to show her.

It's her with Josie and Lizzie, Kate bending and whispering something in her youngest daughter's ear, while Josie looks on and giggles. But, she thinks, trying to remember back, Castle must've walked into the shot, because she's looking up, just off to the right of the photographer. All of the emotions of the night there on her face.

"Oh I like that one," she says. "Who took it? Alexis?"

He gives a noncommittal hum. "No," he says, tapping and swiping, and she assumes checking the origin of the photograph. "Lanie."

That figures, she thinks. Her best friend had been fairly stunned at not being warned of the wedding ahead of time, never one to abide by being out of the loop. But she had risen to the occasion, happy for her friends, and in the end fully embracing the idea.

She sighs and slips the phone out of his hand. "Later," she says softly.

"Yes, absolutely," he agrees readily.

She smiles warmly at his reply. "Hell of a night," she says.

"More like a hell of a few months," he returns.

She regards him seriously at that. "But I wouldn't change it, you know?" She says, phrasing it like question. "For all the difficulty, all the sadness, I don't think I could bring myself to take it back, not now. I couldn't bring myself to give up this chapter of our story."

He looks her over as she begins to pull him toward their room.

"I know what you mean," he agrees. "Let's just agree, never to go through that again.

"No," she murmurs. "No, never again."

They'll have their moments, and they both know it. But they have both learned, both grown from the experience of falling apart and mending again. Getting it wrong, and then finally right. They'll keep learning, too. Keep putting in the work. But the worst is behind them now, she can feel it.

Love is a strong and powerful force, hard to quell. But, the two of them together? She knows now. They are even stronger.


	13. Chapter 13

**Shall Not Tear Asunder**

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own it, and they're way more evil than me

**AN:** This story is essentially a multi-chapter follow up to the oneshot story _**Inchoate**_ by ColieMacKenzie. I highly recommend reading that first, because it sets up the narrative and it's wonderful.

**AN2:** Inspiration for this chapter is credited to an Anon review ColieMacKenzie received, as well as a little bit of a thread that I accidentally created back in chapter 10. And so, an unexpected epilogue that brings this journey to an end. Support for this has been incredible, and I can't thank you all enough.

_For CB, who always makes the words make sense. And for Nic, who offered unbelievable support and encouragement in allowing me to climb into her sandbox and build a whole new...well, castle._

* * *

Castle fidgets. After everything that has happened, the scene in front of him is just too hauntingly familiar. All of them gathered together here at the Hamptons house, the festive atmosphere of a barbecue dancing in the air. The last time he did this, it felt like torture.

It's better now, so many broken pieces mended. His family whole, and his life filled with greater joy than he might have imagined possible. Certainly back then.

But he wants his wife, and not seeing her is making him antsy. It's been a long few months. He just needs to see that all is well with his own eyes. That's all. He knows it is, but he needs to see it, he needs to see Kate.

He's two steps from heading into the house after her, when Lizzie snags his arm for attention. He looks from his daughter to the house and then back again and sighs.

"Hi, baby girl," he says, not wanting to show his frustration. The girl is already frowning as it is. "What's wrong?"

"I want a soda," she says, her face in full pout.

"That okay," he says. It's not like they encourage the sugary drinks, but it's a party, and they have put out whole coolers worth of bottles. He's not seeing the issue.

"Josie got the last cherry one," the Lizzie says then, as if she expects that the world may very well cave in at this news. Castle thinks she probably believes that it just might.

He scans the crowd and spots Josie. Oh, and actually, she's just twisting the cap off of the soda bottle. "Josie," he calls out to her. She looks his way. "Can you get some cups and split that with your sister?"

She nods, heads for the tables of supplies set up on the back deck. Lizzie grins and runs after her older sister to catch up. Castle shakes his head. If all his kids' problems were this easy to solve, life would be good.

He looks back at the house, wondering about Kate. But then he decides against going after her. People have been anxiously hovering over her all summer long. He gives her a moment, a break. His wife is amazing. She's got this.

There is a full swarm of people downstairs, but Kate has eyes only for him. If you had asked her a year ago, even as she and Castle were carefully rebuilding their relationship, if she thought that she would end up here, she would have insisted that was crazy. Nothing about this had been planned.

But now, like so many other parts of their life together, she would never trade it away. She finishes her task, and studies her work. Then she grins. "Perfect," she says. Her son gurgles in reply.

The little royal blue onesie looks like a police vest, and it has been embroidered with the words "Junior Writer" - Kate doesn't quite know how to thank Ryan and Esposito for this particular gift. It's ridiculous, but it is also disgustingly cutie on Jamie.

"Come on, buddy. Let's go make our entrance. She scoops up the six week old baby, cuddling him against her as she heads out to the party.

It's Labor Day weekend, because a Kate had still been on bed rest in July. Castle had moved them out here for the summer as soon as the girls were out of school. He'd hired nurses to monitor Kate and Jamie, someone else to help with the cooking and the cleaning in the big house. She's grateful for it now, even if she had raised her eyebrows back then. But she's ready to go home.

She'd realized she was pregnant shortly after Christmas, stunned it had taken her that long to realize, and stunned in general. In her early forties, she hadn't planned on a third child. But here was Jamie. It hadn't been easy, but it was worth it. He was worth it.

"There you are," Castle says and she turns toward his voice.

"We were dressing for his debut," she smiles.

"You sound like Mother," he says, but he's grinning at the baby's outfit.

"Hush," she says, letting her husband guide her into a seat. "She has been a godsend, and you know it."

Lanie's voice cuts in suddenly, higher than usual. "There's my little nephew," she coos, and Kate surrenders the baby with a laugh.

"You know," Castle says as Lanie wanders away with the baby, "It occurs to me, three kids. Looks like that time traveler was right. I wonder what else he was right about?"

She rolls her eyes. "Castle, I'm not looking to change careers again any time soon," she says with a laugh.

"Hey," he says as they watch her dad claim his little namesake from Lanie. He's a popular kid today. "We've got 15 or so years. We'll work it out."

She glances up at the bright blue sky, then back at Castle, and out across the lawn at their family. Yeah, they'll work it out. Like they have everything else. It might not be easy, but it might not always go as planned. But she wouldn't have it any other way.


End file.
